'2020 Sad Santa, Mad Santa' by Michael Korican and Doug Paterson
'Twas two nights before Christmas, December twenty-three;
Festivus was upon us, that annual spree.
The Airing of Grievances soon will be here;
Unprecedented was this whole screwy year.
Before the pandemic, things were quite swell;
Meeting friends, sharing food; Oh, the stories we'd tell.
Hello! How's it going? Let us shake hands.
In hindsight, it shimmers just like a dream land.
Now, Wuhan! Now, Panic! Now COVID-19!
Now, Close Shop! Now, Lock Down! Now, Careful Hygiene!
Waiting at home for the big conference call;
Now stay away! Stay away! Stay away all!
Then on our T.V.s Doctor Bonnie appeared;
Her kindness and advice was all much revered.
Weekly she begged us "Be calm and be safe;
And follow the rules from B.C. WorkSafe."
With momma in her face mask, and I with my shield,
Binge-watching Netflix on our old chesterfield,
Dreaming nightmares of Zoom with background clip art;
The family distances six feet apart.
Save people or profits? That is the question.
Choose one or the other is now the suggestion.
The government's message confuses us all:
"Don't catch it, don't spread it, but shop at the mall."
No Hugging, no Kissing, no Singing, no Shouting.
And stop it right now if you do that Moist Talking!
Stay home if you're sickly, take Vitamin D.
Don't cough, wash your hands and wear P-P-E!
How can Santa see every child on the globe
If the borders are closed to any such probe?
How can Santa deliver; that wonderful sledder;
And now not become the ultimate spreader?
Will Christmas be cancelled, no presents this year?
No family, no friends, to spread Christmas cheer?
Save all your money for a clean air machine;
All we want this year is a working vaccine.
I will survive these Twelve Months of Lockdown
Staying at home in my comfy nightgown.
I will adapt to the strange New Abnormal.
Happy New Year! Let hope spring eternal!